A Christ-Centered Marriage

Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus. Therefore, all who are mature should think this way. And if you think differently about anything, God will reveal this to you also. - Philippians 3:13-15 HCSB

I spent years as a professional martial artist. I lived for my sport. I would get up early in the morning so I could get my cardio done before school and later, before work. I got to the dojo while the sun was still down to get some uninterrupted time on the gear. After school or work, I hustled to the dojo again and spent hours drilling certain moves over and over or sparring with whoever showed up. My sport regulated what I ate. It regulated when I slept. It even impinged upon my dating life. Jiu-jitsu was not the center of my life, but it came very close.

Christ is the center of my life. Whatever skills I developed through my association with MMA, I put to His use when I worked with gangs and street kids. When fights were scheduled at the same time as church, I opted out of the fight regardless of the cost. Just like when I was training for professional fighting, I go to bed when the Master lets me and I get up when He tells me to. If I have to forgo a little sleep so that I can get some uninterrupted time with my Master, then so be it.

Christ is the center of my marriage. Just as my goal used to be to imitate my sensei, my goal is now to imitate my Master and He has given me a tremendous example of sacrificial love. This means that my purpose in marriage is to make my wife holy so that I can present her to my Master as another useful follower.

• Ephesians 5:25-27 HCSB Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, (26) to make her holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. (27) He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless.

Putting Christ at the center of my marriage means that I love and take care of my wife, like I do my own body.

• Ephesians 5:28-30 HCSB In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, (30) since we are members of His body.

Practically becoming “one flesh” means that my wife and I strive to think the same way, to have the same love and to share the same feelings, focusing on one goal.

• Ephesians 5:31-33 HCSB For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. (32) This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Please turn to Philippians 2:2-8 and allow me to give you ten traits of a Christ-centered marriage.

• Philippians 2:2-8 HCSB fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal. (3) Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. (4) Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (5) Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, (6) who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. (7) Instead He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, (8) He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death--even to death on a cross.

1. Work at developing love for one another (v.2)
2. Listen to one another, empathize with one another. (v.2)
3. Do not allow rivalry in your family. (v.2)
4. Make no allowances for pride. Actively seek ways to develop humility. (v.3)
5. Look at each person and try to determine at least one thing in which they are better than you. From this point on every time you think of that person think of that trait or skill. (v.3)
6. As you go about daily business, take each other’s needs and desires into account. (v.4)
7. Spend time daily with the Lord, trying to understand how He thinks, what’s important to Him, what His goals are and start deliberately building Him into your family’s life. (v.5)
8. Be willing to set aside your rights, your due. (v.6)
9. Become your family’s servant instead of its overlord. Teach your children to serve. You know how hard it is to set aside your ego – why not give them the benefit of a head start? (v.7)
10. Be willing, if necessary, to die for your family. It’s one thing to say it. It’s another to consciously develop that mentality and allow it to change your day to day life. (v.8)

We must reject the tokenism of platitudinous piety that mumbles about Christian marriage and instead seek the reality. There can be no half measures in this pursuit.

Everything in our lives must be subject to Him so that God may be all in all.

• 1 Corinthians 15:28 HCSB (28) And when everything is subject to Him, then the Son Himself will also be subject to Him who subjected everything to Him, so that God may be all in all.