How to Forgive

Now the end of all things is near; therefore, be clear-headed and disciplined for prayer. Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:7-8 HCSB

We often hear “love covers a multitude of sins” quoted as a suggestion to overlook sin. However, when taken in context, the true meaning of the verse is that if we pray for others in a disciplined and clear-headed manner and work at loving each other, many of OUR OWN sins will be covered in Hashem’s eyes. This fits very neatly with the principle of “forgiven as we forgive.”

• Matthew 6:12 HCSB And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
• Luke 6:37 HCSB "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

So the Adonaic Christian needs to work steadily at finding ways to gently restore those who have fallen into sin.

The overall process of restoration is clearly described in a topical study entitled “Church Discipline” on my website called www.fromthebible.net. However, succinctly put, it may entail

1. confrontation,

2. (hopefully) a change of heart marked by

a. Confession (verbal assent to the sin or error)

b. Repentance (a willingness to cease committing the sin and replace it with righteousness)

c. an effort toward restitution (trying to ameliorate the damage sin accrued to the lives affected by our sin)

3. the installation of measures to ensure the sin does not reoccur,

4. and (if possible) reinstatement into ministry.

The installation of measures to ensure that the sin does not reoccur, fits with the commands the apostles left us in the following passages:

• Romans 12:9 HCSB Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good.

As we deal with our fallen brother or sister, we must be careful to retain what parts in them are good. We dare not mercilessly attack them for doing so reveals are pride-filled attitude. It says, “I am above your sin. I would never do such a thing.” To anyone tempted by this particular sin, I say:

• 1 Corinthians 10:12 HCSB (12) Therefore, whoever thinks he stands must be careful not to fall!
• Proverbs 16:18 HCSB Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.

Besides, you can often use your points of common reference, or those areas in which you think they are doing well, as bridges toward communication and improvement.

• Galatians 6:1 HCSB Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you won't be tempted also.

If you think that someone has sinned, then when you correct them, it should be with a gentle spirit. Why? First, it is because this is how you demonstrate that you are spiritual.

• Galatians 5:19-25 HCSB Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, (20) idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, (21) envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar, about which I tell you in advance--as I told you before--that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, (23) gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. (24) Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (25) If we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit.

Second, as we saw previously, a person who is caught up in sinful pride and judgmentalism is prone to committing the sin against which they rail the most!

• Jude 1:22-23 HCSB Have mercy on some who doubt; (23) save others by snatching them from the fire; on others have mercy in fear, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.

Notice the association of fear and hate in this passage. It is because we fear falling into the same trap that we build boundaries and methods of accountability. It is because we fear that the victim we are dealing with may fall back into the same sin that we hold them responsible. To discipline a believer who has fallen into sin and to install certain limits on their ministry capabilities or to develop mutual accountability with them – these are not condemning, hateful steps. They are borne out of a deep and concerned love, much as a parent loves his child and, desiring their best, makes sure that they make it as hard to sin as possible, knowing the damage sin accrues.

• Proverbs 13:24 HCSB The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.

The Corinthian church was guilty of being too forgiving. They were allowing one of their own to have a sexual relationship with his father’s wife! Paul berated them for congratulating themselves on their supposed grace and understanding and ordered them to exercise church discipline properly.

Later, after the discipline had worked and the man’s heart was softened to repentance, Paul had to command them to take him back. He told them that once a person who has wronged others has responded positively to the necessary discipline, the Ransomed must forgive and restore them.

• 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 HCSB (5) If anyone has caused pain, he has not caused pain to me, but in some degree--not to exaggerate--to all of you. (6) The punishment by the majority is sufficient for such a person, (7) so now you should forgive and comfort him instead; otherwise, this one may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. (8) Therefore I urge you to confirm your love to him. (9) It was for this purpose I wrote: so I may know your proven character, if you are obedient in everything. (10) Now to whom you forgive anything, I do too. For what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, it is for you in the presence of Christ, (11) so that we may not be taken advantage of by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his intentions.

The Corinthian church was just as slow to forgive as it was to discipline. Both are serious errors.

So forgiveness and restoration is not to be granted until repentance is shown – at the very least verbally!

• Luke 17:3-4 HCSB Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. (4) And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."

In the Corinthian affair, the man had already undergone church discipline and shown remorse for his sins.

• 2 Corinthians 2:7 HCSB so now you should forgive and comfort him instead; otherwise, this one may be overwhelmed by excessive grief.

When we do forgive the repentant sinner, we need affirm our love toward him. We mustn’t keep bringing the matter up. We should not keep talking (to them or others) about how much it hurt us.

As soon as practicable, we should resume whatever level of friendship or at the very least cordial relations we can. The Bible doesn’t require us to be their very best friend. It didn’t require that of us in the first place before they ever sinned against us. The Bible also does not suggest that there not be any consequences. Part of dealing with the sin is making sure it never happens again using either natural or imposed consequences.

The old Liar desperately wants to divide and conquer us and according to 2 Corinthians 2:10-11, when we are willing to forgive others we are actually outwitting him. We need to be as glad to restore each other to a right standing with both God and man as we are that Christ did it for us.