Avoiding Gossip and Criticism

When we properly communicate within the church, we are much more apt to communicate properly with those on the outside. When we lie, gossip, scheme and stir up trouble, our testimony is invalidated and we demonstrate our true worthlessness.

• Proverbs 6:12-19 HCSB A worthless person, a wicked man, who goes around speaking dishonestly, 13 who winks his eyes, signals with his feet, and gestures with his fingers, 14 who plots evil with perversity in his heart--he stirs up trouble constantly. 15 Therefore calamity will strike him suddenly; he will be shattered instantly--beyond recovery. 16 Six things the LORD hates; in fact, seven are detestable to Him: 17 arrogant eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that plots wicked schemes, feet eager to run to evil, 19 a lying witness who gives false testimony, and one who stirs up trouble among brothers.
• Proverbs 16:28 HCSB A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates friends.
• Proverbs 26:20 HCSB Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.

Be personally accountable. Take a look at the attitudes you hold and the comments you make. Confess the times you've gossiped or criticized in the past, and invite God to transform you. Seek cleansing from God so you'll have the power to resist talking negatively about others. Release any pride or fear that is obstructing you from making the changes you would like. Be open to God's correction and guidance. Each of us will have to answer to God.

• Psalms 51:1-4 HCSB For the choir director. A Davidic psalm, when Nathan the prophet came to him after he had gone to Bathsheba. Be gracious to me, God, according to Your faithful love; according to Your abundant compassion, blot out my rebellion. 2 Wash away my guilt, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I am conscious of my rebellion, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against You--You alone--I have sinned and done this evil in Your sight. So You are right when You pass sentence; You are blameless when You judge.
• Psalms 51:10 HCSB God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
• Romans 14:12 HCSB So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

Pray for the ability to forgive those whose critical spirits cause them to fall into the sin of gossip. Pray for people you have hurt - either purposely or inadvertently - by speaking negatively about them. Ask God to heal them. Also pray for people who have hurt you in the past through their negative words about you. Forgive them and ask God to let them be aware of His loving presence with them.

• Matthew 18:21-22 HCSB Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how many times could my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 22 "I tell you, not as many as seven," Jesus said to him, "but 70 times seven.

Meditate. Examine what tempts you to speak negatively. Pray for God to give you the strength to confront and overcome those temptations. Ask God to purify your mind.

• Psalms 139:23-24 HCSB Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.
• Proverbs 9:6 HCSB Leave inexperience behind, and you will live; pursue the way of understanding.
• Proverbs 9:9-10 HCSB Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man, and he will learn more. 10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Be mentally prepared for the possibility that someone may try to engage you in a negative conversation about someone else. Pray for God to give you wisdom in such situations so you can resist being pulled into negative conversations. You will rarely be forewarned of a “negative” attack by a “gossipaholic”. Get a trusted and spiritually mature friend to role play with you. Practice what you will say when approached with negative, critical talk or gossip. This will enable you to speak wisely and lovingly as a reflex.

• 1 Peter 3:15-16 HCSB but set apart the Messiah as Lord in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you. 16 However, do this with gentleness and respect, keeping your conscience clear, so that when you are accused, those who denounce your Christian life will be put to shame.

Judge spirits. When someone approaches you and begins talking negatively about someone, try to determine the speaker's motivation and encourage accountability by asking discerning questions such as: "Is this something I need to hear about?" "Who told you this information?" "Have you spoken to those people who are directly involved with this situation?" "Before you share any further, what are you expecting from me?"

• 1 John 4:1 HCSB Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to determine if they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
• 1 Corinthians 2:15-16 HCSB The spiritual person, however, can evaluate everything, yet he himself cannot be evaluated by anyone. 16 For: who has known the Lord's mind, that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

Verify the facts and be slow to speak. Juicy tales about another person can be very seductive. Know that you should never accept what someone says about someone else as true without checking the validity of the statements yourself. Even if the statements are true, cruel words create unnecessary strife. Remember that Jesus' goal for dealing with people who have sinned isn't finger pointing, but transformation and restoration.

• James 1:19-20 HCSB My dearly loved brothers, understand this: everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, 20 for man's anger does not accomplish God's righteousness.
• 1 Timothy 5:19-21 HCSB Don't accept an accusation against an elder unless it is supported by two or three witnesses. 20 Publicly rebuke those who sin, so that the rest will also be afraid. 21 I solemnly charge you, before God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to observe these things without prejudice, doing nothing out of favoritism.

Understand the consequences. Realize that participating in negative conversations harms you spiritually. Realize that gossip, criticism and negativity can create confusion that can lead to deception.

• Proverbs 5:21-23 HCSB For a man's ways are before the LORD's eyes, and He considers all his paths. 22 A wicked man's iniquities entrap him; he is entangled in the ropes of his own sin. 23 He will die because there is no instruction, and be lost because of his great stupidity.

Don’t fight fire with fire. Use positive words to heal when confronted with destructive, negative words. Respond to gossip or criticism with encouraging words about the person being talked about. Ask the person spreading the negativity to pray for the person about whom he or she is talking. Remember, the way we treat our fellow man is the way we worship God.

• Romans 12:17-21 HCSB Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. 18 If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19 Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord. 20 But If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. 21 Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
• Leviticus 19:18 HCSB Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD.
• Matthew 22:36-40 HCSB "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" 37 He said to him, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the greatest and most important commandment. 39 The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commandments."

Be bold when confronting people who want you to listen to gossip or criticism. Remember that the consequences of listening far outweigh the awkwardness of taking a stand against the negativity. The speaker's feelings may temporarily be hurt, but you will be helping the speaker more than hurting him or her. As Abraham Lincoln said, “To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men.”

• Galatians 2:11 HCSB But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he stood condemned.
• 1 Timothy 5:19-20 HCSB Don't accept an accusation against an elder unless it is supported by two or three witnesses. 20 Publicly rebuke those who sin, so that the rest will also be afraid.
• 2 Timothy 4:2 HCSB proclaim the message; persist in it whether convenient or not; rebuke, correct, and encourage with great patience and teaching.
• Titus 1:13 HCSB This testimony is true. So, rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith
• Titus 2:15 HCSB Say these things, and encourage and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.

Make preemptive strikes. Be proactive about speaking positively about others and do so as often as possible.

• Romans 12:21 HCSB Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 HCSB Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; 5 does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; 6 finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.