Shayla: Are there sexual techniques that are not allowed even between married spouses?

Responsa:

Contrary to the opinions of some, the Bible isn’t against sex, or the pleasures that accompany sex. God is the author of sex, love, and the human body. His plan is for a man and woman to enjoy the beautiful, sensuous intimacy found in the marriage relationship.

To borrow from the writings of Christian marriage counselor, Dr. Ed Wheat, there are three basic principles concerning the enjoyment of sex in marriage are found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

· The principle of need: We are commanded to meet our mate's sexual needs.

• The principle of authority: When we marry, we actually relinquish the right to our own body, and turn that authority over to our mate. The wife's body now belongs to the husband. The husband's body now belongs to the wife. This means that we must love our mate's body and care for it as our own.
• The principle of habit: We must not cheat our partner by abstaining from the habit of sex, except by mutual consent for a brief time. (Love Life for Every Married Couple, pp. 70-73).

Nowhere in the Bible is any sexual technique between married persons forbidden. One needs only to read Song of Solomon to discover a rather explicit and graphic description of the sexual relationship in marriage. The writer used romantic language and metaphors to describe an affectionate, romantic, sensuous, joyful and passionate love between husband and wife. The book even speaks of lovers tasting and drinking of each other's bodies (Song of Songs 2:3; 4:16; 8:2).

The Bible does teach us that love is not selfish and is patient (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Love also does not act improperly (1 Cor. 13:5). To apply this to the marriage relationship, while there are no forbidden sexual techniques within marriage, it would certainly not be proper for one spouse to demand something in sex that is uncomfortable for the other spouse. At the same time, the reticent spouse should do what he/she can to meet the needs of their spouse, even if it involves trying something new. In this area, patience and love must rule.

Posek: L. Pauley